Graham to Robbie

Dear Robbie

Congratulations on reaching your 50th Test as Coach of the Wallabies.

Can I start by saying what a choice job you’ve been doing since you first started working for New Zealand Rugby in 2008. It has been a long-term task, but the plan to ensure the All Blacks win the World Cup at home in 2011 is coming together perfectly.

My idea of getting you to be hired by Australian Rugby as their national coach and then sabotage the Wallabies from within, in my own modest opinion, was an absolute masterstroke.

While our plan had many doubters, I always knew in my heart that the Aussies would fall for it. After reaching 50 tests as coach on the weekend, I think its only fitting to mention what I think is your top 10 highlights of sabotage to date:

1. Losing to Ireland
2. Giving Rocky the captaincy of the country he hadn’t played for in over two years, then stripping it off him right before the World Cup
3. Losing to Scotland
4. Not even getting close to winning the Bledisloe Cup back
5. Not picking a backup for Pocock in the World Cup squad
6. Never using the Wallaby bench effectively
7. Not having a back-up game plan
8. Using words like “contest, willing, collision, contact-zone, adaptation” to describe rugby
9. Losing to Samoa
10. Winning only 54% of all your games as coach of historically one of the most successful teams in Rugby

I can’t believe after all this they then extended your contract for a further two years?!?!?! How they didn’t work out our plan after you coached them to 10 Bledisloe cup losses in a row is full credit to you and we’re all very proud of you back at home bro.

Well done once again and as planned we’ll see you at Ritchie’s after the World Cup to celebrate pulling the wool over the Aussies’ eyes.

Graham Henry

ps: The Plan worked, New Zealand hold the rugby World Cup after beating France in the final at Eden Park, Auckland.